It's only Tuesday, and yet this league has surged to heights considered unimaginable just a few days back. The doubters said the league couldn't expand! They said there'd be no interest! Well...fuck the doubters, "we're killin' them."
Due to new additions to the league, Team Walker and Team Cook, administration has expanded the league into 3 divisions: Upper Odells (Team Stretch, Team Bill, and Team Coulter), Ground Odells (Team Don and Team Bin), and the First-Year Division (Team Cook and Team Walker).
Team Walker appraoched his acceptance into the league with a Caitlyn Hatt sized smile, it's obvious that his excitement could not be any higher...his level of play could be, however. The addition of Team Walker has to be reassuring news for Tim Bin, who has yet to garner his first victory sitting at 0-3. Though the two might sit at the bottom of the rankings for some time, the balancing of league talent with this addition should propel those two to new heights. While some might say I am taking too pessimistic a view of Team Walker, he expressed his own doubt in his 2K abilities to me prior to his decision. We are excited to see who gets their first win...Walker or Bin?
Team Cook is eagerly awaiting his first perfomance in End All be All following his continued requests to join due to his love for the game of 2k, how much he misses the game, and a desire to "compete with great competitors/best friends." Team Cook is proving why he belongs in the First-Year Division along with Walker, there is no room for "best friends" in this league. As Team Bin knows, it's a dog eat dog world, and if you're not ready to play and say fuck friends, you'll get mollywhopped to next week. It appears Team Cook will be faced with a rude awakening, however, maybe there is a place for compassion...at the bottom of the standings. After telling the current league leader (Team Stretch) that he will rue the day the two play eachother, it's reported Stretch simply laughed and continued sucking on his jolly rancher popsicle unphased and unaltered.
Notable Recaps 10 games Mon. Feb, 24th. 6 cheek clappings
Game 1: Stretch vs. Soaps...Bucks vs 76ers
Game 2: Stretch vs. Soaps...Rockets vs. Grizzlies
Word on the street is the sound of Soaps mashing the X button after being down 21-6 in the first quarter resonated all the way to the hub of the First-Year divsion, awaking Beans from his early slumber. He justifies this unprecedented 63-25 loss with the difference in team quality (Bucks vs. 76ers), but this fails to account for his second clapping at the hands of Stretch immediately after 68-41. Soaps felt his second-place standing slip from his grasp and he remained unable to catch his footing, snowballing down to 3-3. We await to see how Donald will comeback from this. Some are saying he might never recover from such assault. We hope he isn't gone forever, as a defeat of this nature has never been suffered before.
Stretch vs. Bill...Clippers v Lakers
The game was a consistent back and forth, and saw an electric end to the 3rd quarter as LeBUM hit an impossible inbounds shot after a 2.0 second left following a veg out by stretch. LeBum was lightly contested by two Clipper defenders jumping and screaming at him. It was a heartbreaking way to enter the fourth quarter down by 4 points for the undefeated Team Stretch. However, shortly into the fourth quarter Bill has committed his second “Andy”. Not long after that…the third. He began embodying his reputation of the fourth quarter choker.. The conclusion of the game included multiple shirt pulls, f-bombs, and chair slams. Just an overall abysmal performance inside the paint for the Lakers under Allen’s tutelage.
All of Bin's Games
Well...The debut of Team Bin didn't go like he might've hoped, but it certainly went as others planned. A 41-51 loss to Stretch, a 48-66 loss to Coulter, and a 44-64 loss to Bill rounded out the tri-headed rosebud-pounder. The only thing that apparently could have calmed down the angry Bin was a sledgehammer to break things, this is perfectly in line with his comments of his wishes to "kill someone" after the game.
Bill vs. Stretch...Jazz vs. Celtics
It's unusual that such a post of this stature is made, and I must say...it won't be easy. But, like anything the show must always go on. The sun keeps burning and so the keys must continue being typed, rain, shine, win, loss, tomatoe, tomahto, potatoe, patahtoe. At it's simplest, here it is: The dominant performance of Team Stretch came to a screeching halt. The Jazz's defense was everywhere, it's reported that the coach of Team Stretch was mute during Timeouts, hitting "O" as fast as he could...he had nothing to say. The game ended with a score of 47-27. The 68-point scoring Stretch could operate on no level other than "ass" at this game. However, while Bill is optimistic about his team's future, Stretch took some time to reflect and is ready to come back at Bill with a vengeance.
If there's one thing that we aren't upset about, it's the fact that our reporters weren't able to witness Team Coulters games this week. An unimpressive win over Team Bin-who has played less than 2 games in 2020- makes up half of his victories. He sits at an even 2-2, however, there is an upside to all of this. His next matchup is scheduled against current frontrunner Team Stretch, this is a pivotal game for Team Coulter as there are two conclusions that can result. One, his promise of having "a slow start because [he] hasn't [played] in awhile" is true. Or possibly, that is "irrational confidence" isn't irrational at all if he can win and propel up the standings. Time will tell.
There's much that has been left out, however, there's only so much time in the day (if there's such a thing as time). We feel as though your best chance of moving in life is to have, at its base, an understanding grounded in this report.
Addition of Team Walker and Team Cook
Routing of Donald's Cheeks
Stretch's Reign comes to an end
Bin looks for improvement in the future