3G Capital Investments, LLC 45, TurfTalentNFT.com 42
Despite missing captain Josh Wohl, Jacob Grill-Abramowitz, Dave Roberts and Jeremy Gross, 3G Capital took down TurfTalentNFT by the above score.

The game had a delayed start due to what officials called a “Bouncy Castle on the Court,” but 3G Capital center Ari Sarna did not let that affect the team’s mentality.

“We were missing our captain tonight, and then the bouncy castle incident happened,” Sarna said. “But I told our guys: this is what we’ve trained for. Bouncy castles are going to happen in life.”

With Sarna’s poetic metaphor in mind, the team grinded out the three-point win, thanks to 10 points from both Sarna and rookie Jacob Fortinsky, and a team-high 14 points from rookie Leo Weiner.

TTNFT captain Jason Scheff scored 12 points and dished out five assists, but he fouled out late in the second half. And although teammate Scott Scheff hit five three’s, the team could not mount a late comeback.

3G moves to 1-1, while TTNFT falls to 0-2.

Brangenuity 66, Accordion 51
Brandgenuity rode the hot hand of Eli Grossman, whose play reminded onlookers of shades of Elichai Foger in the 2018 RBA Championship game, to cruise to a 15-point win.

Brandgenuity took an early 16-2 lead in the opening minutes and never looked back.

Grossman finished with 24 points, six rebounds, two assists and two steals, and was outscored only by his teammate Jeremy Goodman, who scored 28 points including five three-pointers.

“Grossman, Goodman, Awesomeman, it don’t matter,” Grossman said. “‘Genuity in four.”

Accordion was led by rookie Uri Pearl, who scored 19 points and grabbed six rebounds. Yoshi Gadasi added 12 points and six rebounds as well.

Brandgenuity improves to 2-0 and will face 3G Capital Investments this week, while Accordion falls to 0-2 and will face Verstolo.

Elite Pets 48, DRG Talent 32
“It’s eggzactly what the Jared Scheff ordered,” Pets captain Matt Werner said, referring to Scheff’s team-high 17 points. “I said at halftime, lettuce keep doing what we’re doing, ome-lette Scheff and Immerman do the scoring. I wanted to put salmon, but she was away this week,”

Immerman contributed 15 points and four rebounds himself. “I was bready from the start and I knew no one wanted a pizza me,” he said.

DRG Talent rookie guard Noah Dunn stuffed the stat with 18 points, six rebounds, two assists, two steals and one block, but DRG could not mustard up the scoring to ketchup to Elite Pets.

DRG, playing without captain Alex Eisenstein, never felt like themselves. “We felt like im-pastas without Alex,” DRG center Matan Mann said. “I better get a raisin celery after carrying the team this week. Our offense was a mess–a real tofu-vavohu. But I think we’ll be all rice.”

For the Pets, it was a classic case of “bean there, done that,” as they rode to their second win.

“It was a grape team win,” Pets guard Jonah Wolf said. “We played great kelp defense, and olive when we don’t just play for the halibut.”

Babaghanoush.

Sherwood Lumber 48, LDJ 46
Sherwood handed LDJ its first loss of the season, thanks to some stifling team defense. LDJ had a chance to win it at the buzzer, but a three-point attempt from Harlan Reiss grazed the ol’ Chelsea Piers pipes just as the clock hit zero.

Sherwood was led by captain Sam Marlowe, who scored a game-high 20 points, and Brian Steinberg, who added 12 points. Rookie Joseph Schnitzer arrived late to the game due to a miscommunication but still made an impact with his fire and tenacity.

“The delay from the aforementioned bouncy castle incident from the first game recap really helped us,” Marlowe said.

LDJ led for most of the game, and saw even contributions across the roster, with captain Yaniv Lusana tallying a double-double, scoring a team-high 15 points and collecting 10 rebounds. But they could not overcome the late surge from Sherwood.

Sherwood is now 2-0 and faces TurfTalentNFT this week while LDJ, now 1-1, will play Elite Pets.

Glasenglitter 56, Verstolo 53
Glasenglitter improved to 2-0 with a 56-53 victory over Verstolo, who fell to 0-2 and are left wondering how they can get their season on track.

The story of the game on the Glitter side was all about ice: first for Max Geller after he injured his shoulder in the first half, then for Ben Danitz who hurt his knee on an awkward play in the second. Thanks to scorekeeper Matan Mann's willingness to share his big bag of ice though, the injured Glitter Guys were able to quickly mitigate their maladies and return to the game. How were these three men, all of very different sizes, able to use the same ice bag? Some are calling it a pre-Chanukah miracle. Others disagree, saying it's The Brotherhood of the Traveling Ice. It's a debate worthy of the Talmud.

As for the actual action, Verstolo held a lead for almost the entire game, thanks to the bold yet coy play of Ethan whatever-his-last-name-is and the sharpshooting of Emmett Stein. Glasenglitter had shooters of their own though, with Jake Fischer and Michael Paris knocking down threes throughout the game. That kept the team close enough for Iceman Geller to seal the deal with a late layup and clutch free throws so awe-inspiring that onlooking Chelsea Piers staff could be heard saying, "Everyone has to leave now."

Both teams will join the rest of the league in celebrating the Festival of Lights next week. Glasenglitter will follow in the tradition of Beit Hillel, who famously said one must play DRG Talent on the first night of the holiday. Verstolo will keep things spicy, following the Beit Shammai practice of playing Accordion.